In the realm of positive psychology, a field pioneered by Martin Seligman and other researchers, the search for meaning and fulfillment has become an important area of study. Among the reflective practices used to explore personal values and purpose, the “Eulogy Exercise” offers an opportunity to consider how we would like to be remembered after our death. By imagining the legacy we hope to leave behind, we can gain insight into our deepest values, aspirations, relationships, and the choices that give our lives meaning.
The Foundations of Positive Psychology
Positive psychology expands the traditional focus on treating mental illness to include understanding and promoting positive emotions, meaningful relationships, personal strengths, and human flourishing. Martin Seligman, one of the movement's leading figures, emphasizes the importance of exploring what makes life worth living. His PERMA model identifies five elements associated with well-being: Positive emotion, Engagement, Relationships, Meaning, and Accomplishment (Seligman, 2011).
The Eulogy Exercise aligns particularly well with the “Meaning” component of this model. By reflecting on what truly matters, individuals may identify personal values and aspirations that can guide their present-day decisions. This approach also shares similarities with values clarification in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), which encourages people to identify what matters to them and take meaningful action consistent with those values (Hayes et al., 2006).
What Is the Eulogy Exercise?
The Eulogy Exercise invites individuals to write the eulogy they would want someone to deliver at their funeral. This imagined tribute offers a way to explore the legacy they hope to leave and the qualities they would like to embody throughout their lives. Rather than predicting how others will actually remember them, the exercise encourages individuals to reflect on the person they aspire to be.
Participants are encouraged to consider the following questions:
How do I want to be remembered by my family, friends, and community?
What qualities, values, or contributions would I want others to highlight?
What kind of relationships would I want to have cultivated during my lifetime?
Rather than focusing exclusively on material achievements or external recognition, this exercise may encourage reflection on personal growth, kindness, love, meaningful relationships, and contributions to others. However, there is no single correct way to define a meaningful life. Each person's values, circumstances, and aspirations will shape what emerges from the exercise.
The Psychological Benefits of the Eulogy Exercise
Although research specifically evaluating the Eulogy Exercise is limited, its emphasis on personal values, meaning, and intentional action is consistent with established psychological approaches. Research on meaning in life and values-based behavior suggests that reflecting on what matters can contribute to psychological well-being, although the effects of this particular exercise should not be assumed to be the same as those of more extensively studied interventions (Hayes et al., 2006; Steger et al., 2006).
Clarifying Core Values: Writing a eulogy may bring overlooked or neglected values into greater awareness, helping individuals consider whether their daily actions reflect what matters most to them.
Fostering Gratitude: Reflecting on meaningful relationships and experiences may encourage appreciation for the people, opportunities, and connections already present in one's life.
Motivating Positive Action: Imagining a desired legacy can provide direction for identifying meaningful goals and taking practical steps toward living in accordance with personal values.
Reducing Potential Regret: Considering what matters now may help individuals recognize neglected priorities and make more intentional choices. However, the exercise has not been established as a method for preventing future regret.
These potential benefits reflect the broader relationship between meaning, values, and psychological well-being. Importantly, the exercise is intended to encourage reflection rather than create pressure to achieve an idealized version of oneself.
How to Do the Eulogy Exercise
Set the Scene: Find a quiet, comfortable space where you can reflect without unnecessary distractions. Have a pen and paper or a digital device available, and allow yourself sufficient time to explore your thoughts.
Imagine Your Funeral: If you feel comfortable doing so, picture a gathering of people who have been meaningful in your life. Imagine someone close to you describing the qualities, relationships, and contributions that characterized your life.
Write Freely: Allow yourself to write without judgment or concern about creating a polished tribute. Focus on how you would like to be remembered, including your character, values, contributions, and relationships.
Reflect and Revise: After completing the eulogy, review what you have written. Consider which themes feel particularly meaningful and how closely your current choices and circumstances align with the values you have identified.
Take Action: Identify one or two manageable steps you can take to bring your daily life into closer alignment with those values. These might involve nurturing an important relationship, pursuing a meaningful interest, expressing appreciation, or making time for something you have neglected.
Because this exercise involves contemplating death, it may evoke grief, anxiety, or difficult memories, particularly for individuals who have experienced significant loss or trauma. Participation should always be voluntary, and it is appropriate to pause, modify, or discontinue the exercise if it becomes distressing. An alternative is to imagine a future birthday celebration, retirement gathering, or another meaningful occasion where loved ones reflect on the qualities and contributions you hope to embody.
A Tool for Growth
The Eulogy Exercise is not simply about imagining the end of life; it is about exploring how we want to live in the present. By reflecting on the qualities we hope to embody and the impact we wish to have on others, we may develop greater clarity about our values and the choices that support a meaningful life. Positive psychology research highlights the importance of meaning and purpose in psychological well-being, while values-based approaches emphasize translating personal priorities into intentional action (Seligman, 2011; Steger et al., 2006).
Whether practiced individually or in a supportive group setting, this exercise can offer an opportunity for thoughtful self-exploration. It reminds us that fulfillment need not be measured solely by accomplishments, recognition, or possessions, but may also be found in meaningful relationships, kindness, personal growth, and the ways we contribute to the lives of others. Ultimately, the value of the exercise lies in using these reflections to make choices that feel authentic and meaningful today.
References
Hayes, S. C., Luoma, J. B., Bond, F. W., Masuda, A., & Lillis, J. (2006). Acceptance and commitment therapy: Model, processes and outcomes. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 44(1), 1–25. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.brat.2005.06.006
Seligman, M. E. P. (2011). Flourish: A visionary new understanding of happiness and well-being. Free Press.
Steger, M. F., Frazier, P., Oishi, S., & Kaler, M. (2006). The meaning in life questionnaire: Assessing the presence of and search for meaning in life. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 53(1), 80–93. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-0167.53.1.80
